There are many physical qualities that contribute to someone’s (or something’s) ugo factor: abnormal traits, facial asymmetry, daring hair styles. Here at Flicks, we like to express our right to be shallow and judgemental towards the fictionally hideous. Thus, we’ve compiled a list of ugly film characters that ain’t got no alibi, and boy are there a lot of ’em.
18. Trevor Reznik – The Machinist
Why he’s ugly: Christian Bale dropped 28kg for the role, exposing the character’s hip bones, rib cage and spinal cord like an H. R. Giger drawing.
Redeeming features: He still has a very healthy neck.
17. Quasimodo – The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Why he’s ugly: Numerous birth defects, including lob-sided eyes, abnormally large nose and, of course, that nasty hunch on his back result in an unfortunate case of natural ugliness. The poor dude was biologically screwed over the moment he exited the womb.
Redeeming features: He can rock a church bell like an orchestral trianglist (Triangulor? Triangulater? One who plays the triangle).
16. Freddy Krueger – A Nightmare on Elm Street
Why he’s ugly: Imagine, if you will, a spider that was bitten by a radioactive pig, causing every web to contain large traces of ham. That mutant ham webbing makes up the entirety of Freddy’s skin.
Redeeming features: The hat and striped knitted jersey is right out of the trendy hipster playbook, except Krueger was rocking the look before it was cool.
15. Roard Jr. / Yellow Bastard – Sin City
Why he’s ugly: The neon-yellow skin, hairless scalp, pug nose and wing-mirror ears complete his banana-flavoured goblin look. He use to be a normal-looking guy until his penis-replacement therapy brought up the ugly side-effects.
Redeeming features: He’s great at cautioning traffic to stop.
14. Sloth – The Goonies
Why he’s ugly: With a significant lack of teeth, a drooping left eye, crumbled nose and unfortunate male pattern baldness, Sloth took an inbred egg-beater to the face during his time in the primordial soup.
Redeeming features: This.
13. Yubaba – Spirited Away
Why she’s ugly: Her frightfully massive head brings out her wrinkles like a canyon on the moon.
Redeeming features: She does a hellova job grooming those shoelace-sized eyelashes.
12. The Thing – The Thing
Why it’s ugly: This is a tricky one, for you never see The Thing in its true form (if it even has one). However, its disgusting transformations hint at something rather grotesque and generally yuck. To think, somewhere in the universe, there’s a planet full of… things…
Redeeming features: The ability to replicate means it doesn’t have to be physically unpleasant all the time.
11. Leather Face – Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why he’s ugly: A person who has to wear other people’s faces over their own must have some deep facial insecurities.
Redeeming features: He cooks a mean steak.
10. The Toxic Avenger – The Toxic Avenger
Why he’s ugly: Even before his “toxication”, Melvin Junko was an unattractive dweeb. But when he fell into a conveniently placed barrel of waste, his biceps grew, his chest bulged and his abs ripped. His face only got worse though…
Redeeming features: He’s a superhero. He’s an avenger. Superhero… Avenger… See where we’re going with this?
9. Roy Lee “Rocky” Dennis – Mask
Why he’s ugly: Poor ol’ Rocky Dennis grew up with an unattractively disfigured skull – a result of craniodiaphyseal dysplasia. Normally, this disease is extremely rare and usually kills carriers during childhood. However, the real-life Roy L. Dennis lived on to the age of 16.
Redeeming features: He’s beautiful on the inside, mainly because his personality doesn’t have some horrible facial deformity.
8. Predator – Predator
Why it’s ugly: Arnold Schwarzenegger quite clearly said “You’re one ugly mother f**ker,” and there’s no contradicting Arnie’s expletives.
Redeeming features: The intergalactic dreadlocks earn it a couple of style points.
7. Erik – The Phantom of the Opera
Why he’s ugly: The ghoulish eyes, pumped-up nostrils and the mouthful of donkey teeth do not instil lust. And that side-comb? Disgusting.
Redeeming features: He has a poetic sense of entitlement.
6. Regan MacNeil – The Exorcist
Why she’s ugly: A scratched-up face, oily teeth, corpse-pale skin, phenomenal bulimia issues and an incessant request for you to have intercourse with her reaches breath-taking heights of unattractiveness.
Redeeming features: Whenever Regan isn’t the embodiment of pure evil, she’s really quite cute.
5. Mason Verger – Hannibal
Why he’s ugly: As the only surviving victim of Hannibal Lecter, Verger’s facial skin was chewed up, spat out and slapped back on him. You don’t have to feel sorry for him though; he’s a child molester.
Redeeming features: He’s played by Gary Oldman, and Gary Oldman is awesome (it’s difficult coming up with a redeeming feature for a wealthy paedophile).
4. John Merrick – The Elephant Man
Why he’s ugly: It’s kind of amazing that John Merrick survived for as long as he did with his mirror-breaking ladder-crawling salt-tipping set of physical misfortunes.
Redeeming features: He doesn’t murder people. That’s a real testament to his humanity, because if we woke up in his body, we would approach the first living creature we saw and kill it violently.
3. Jabba the Hut – Star Wars
Why he’s ugly: Have you ever seen half-digested oatmeal pudding? Well, there it is, and it owns a Rancor.
Redeeming features: He’s got power, and power is sexy.
2. Lord Crumb – Bad Taste
Why he’s ugly: He has a face only a mother could punch. Sure, the entire head looks like a papier-mâchéd tumour, but the real disgusting part about this poorly constructed blob of flesh are the obese eye-sockets that shadow its eyes.
Redeeming features: For a fast-food owner, he has a pretty flashy wardrobe.
1. Kuato – Total Recall
Why he’s ugly: He’s a sweaty dwarf fused into the stomach of another dude. Out of all the hideous monstrosities on this list, mind-reading foetus man-baby takes the ugly cake.
Redeeming features: He’s extremely wise. Though, spending most of your life inside a jacket, we suppose all you can really do is think a lot.
