As longtime champions of basic goddamn etiquette in cinemas, we’re delighted to see a pair of famous brothers stand up for what’s right.
Long-running UK gossip email newsletter Popbitch has a great track record at breaking celeb stories, sometimes outrageously NSFW and sometimes pleasantly mundane (subscribe here to get their weekly newsletter and see what we mean). While Popbitch is always a great read, seldom—maybe never—have we felt so seen as moviegoers as in a recent anecdote from their September 2 newsletter (the subject line of which was Mud Diamonds—in reference to a diamond necklace worn by Kate Moss that has “been up Johnny Depp’s bum”).
Sorry, where were we?
Presumably reporting based on a reader tipoff, as is usually the case with their best stories, Popbitch alerted their readers to what they describe as “a little bit of a scuffle” in London cinema Curzon Soho during a showing of Paris, Texas. On this Bank Holiday Monday, so the story goes, only about ten people were at the screening—one of whom “was having a hell of a time” with the snacks they’d brought in.
“As soon as the film started, he was loudly munching, crunching and slurping—much to the annoyance of two gents sat down the front,” Popbitch says. Now, we’ve all been there. Cinema etiquette has gone to hell in a handbasket, what with phones, talking, feet on seats and all the other things that piss us off. But what can you actually do?
We’ve done our share of glaring at people in the dark—about as effective as you’d imagine—and so it’s no surprise that “whispered instructions from these disgruntled chaps for the slurper to be quiet soon escalated into shouting”. The argument found its way to the cinema foyer, where it continued until staff got involved.
God, this feels familiar.
Concluding their story with an entertaining burying of the lede, we were delighted to see Popbitch report: “Staff intervened and the noisy eater was eventually ejected from the screening—which meant Owen and Luke Wilson were then able to return to their seats and watch the rest of the movie in peace.”
Owen and Luke Wilson—heroes among men. What’s the bet there was at least one sarcastic Owen Wilson “wow”?
As soon as we are in a position to influence royal honours, we’ll make sure the Wilson brothers get their due. Until then, please join us in psychically transmitting your appreciation for these two Hollywood gents turned everyday heroes—and subscribe to Popbitch.
You should probably take Paris, Texas for a spin, too.
