Planet of the Apes (2001)

"A campy, juiced-up ker-splat, busy with clumsy pyrotechnics and never nearing the vicinity of satire."

"The movie can be both a gas and distant, a toy sealed in its unbreakable box."

"A clumsy tea-party of over-acting and sub-Erich Von Daniken plot-lines."

"Call it a letdown, worsened by the forces of shoddy screenwriting."

"Ten years from now, it will be the 1968 version that people are still renting."

"Tries awfully hard to be Spartacus From Space, but it's just not happening."

"A lightweight, slight movie which only looks savagely convincing."