I went to see Life of Pi 3D for a second time the other night. I was so excited; I had been salivating over that film since the first time it amazed my balls. A couple of mates of mine booked four seats for the middle of the row for optimum 3D effectiveness. Good thing they did too, for the session sold out.
However, we arrived just as the film started. The cinema was packed and we arrived at our row to find only three seats free. That’s when some dude in the row looked at us and said,
For those that don’t speak fluent douchebag, this directly translates to,
I might be paraphrasing.
Considering we couldn’t tell everyone in that row to move BACK one seat (least we turn into douchebags ourselves), I drew the short straw and reluctantly journeyed further down the aisle. I finally reached the seat that didn’t belong to me. At the very end of one of the front rows, this was the Mt Doom of seating positions, forcing me to do neck pilates in order to make the 3D effective.
To be fair, we were not completely in the right; we could have arrived earlier to that screening. Additionally, if the cinema was only a third full, we would not have thought twice about finding another group of seats. But when there is allocated seating for a SOLD OUT MOVIE, taking someone else’s seat is a massive dick move that should be punishable by exile.
Afterwards, when I was not distracted by the spasm pains of my Rango-esque neck, I started to wonder how I could have approached the situation differently. I came up with many scenarios:
Threaten him
Likely outcome: He would indeed move, as would everyone else in the cinema. I would later be arrested for attempted murder.
Sit on him
Likely outcome: His homophobia comes out and he moves. Alternatively, he comes out and neither of us move (no matter how much I struggle).
Get the manager
Likely outcome: It takes ten minutes but the manager eventually gets him to move. Everyone in the cinema now hates me for starting a scene at the beginning of the film.
Buy him an ice cream
Likely outcome: He still doesn’t move and he scores a free ice cream. I then wonder why I thought that would work in the first place.
Whine about it on the internet
Likely outcome: I relieve myself of my built-up frustration and move on with my life. I might even provoke someone else to reconsider their actions the next time they think about taking someone else’s seat in a sold-out session. Or the comments board below will fill up with people venting about similar experiences.
I think the latter seems the most realistic, mainly because it avoids socially awkward confrontation. A lot of the time, people are totally cool about giving you your seat back. In those situations, no harm’s done, but seat-stealing can be a nigh impossible problem to resolve if the person refuses to move or causes a row to clog your seating arrangement.
The moral of the story is this: if the cinema is packed, don’t be a dick by taking someone else’s seat.
Here’s a bonus moral: try your best not to arrive late to a screening. You’ll end up annoying the audience that arrived on time AND you run the risk of being victim to the aforementioned dickishness.
