100 Words On 10 Questionable Plot Holes
Plot holes are like racist old people: they’re never really a problem until you pay attention to them. Some of them can be funny as hell. Others needlessly infuriate the rest of your family during Christmas when your sister introduces her nice Polynesian boyfriend only to have Grandma yell “Did you bring enough coconuts for everyone?”
It was the late ‘90s. I was ten.
In order to sublimate the trauma of that festive season, I’ve decided (in exactly 100 words) to explore some movie plot holes that raise the brow, along with a plausible explanation to fill the hole using my undergrad level of analysis and sherp eyye for deetaill.
Spoilers ahead, but you probably knew that.
Avatar – Unreliable NavMan
When Sully gets his first avatar-cloaked mission (researching flowers or whatever), he’s chased away by a leathery octo-limb panther thing. Separated, the rest of the pack attempt to find him… by actually flying around and looking. Let’s hold up for a second. This is the distant future, where they’ve made boundless technological advances. You’re telling me they’ve mastered modes of intergalactic travel and manipulation of neurological pathways but didn’t think about chipping their crap-billion dollar avatars with a GPS or something?
A possible explanation:
Nup. Like I said, avatars cost about one crap-billion to produce, so the budget probably dried up. Hole covered.
Citizen Kane – If a rosebud falls in the woods…
The entire plot of Citizen Kane hinges a bunch of journalists attempting to find the meaning of the tycoon’s last utterance. Problem is, no one was actually there to hear it. Maybe it was the version I watched, but as I recall, the nurse arrived moments after Kane dropped the bucket and kicked the snow globe. She was the first to discover his passing. It’s not as if he yelled “Rosebud!!!” either, so she couldn’t’ve heard it from the other room. So how’d the journalists know what his last word was?
A possible explanation:
He must’ve left the most cryptic will ever written.
The Expendables – Gunner show up when you least expect
When Dolph Lundgren’s character Gunner goes down in a fight against Jet Li’s Yin Yang (that name’s still fucking horrible), he blurts out an apology in his dying last words. Except, they weren’t his dying last words. Topping that, he shows up with the rest of the crew as if he had never betrayed their asses.
A possible explanation:
On the limited edition laser disc copy, there’s a deleted scene where Dolph Lundgren’s agent runs up to him before he dies and says “Yo, they want a sequel.” Gunner miraculously survives and gives the rest of his buds a “my bad” high five.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – Snape’s amazing memory
"Plotious Holosous"
As Harry explores Snape’s memory tapeworm, he comes across the moment where his mother whispered her final words to her son “Be strong. Be safe.” before she was struck down by Volderbitch. Snape enters the room presumably moments later only to breakdown at the sight of Lily Potter’s lifeless remains. The thing is, this is Snape’s memory. He should have no record of any event occurring before he entered. Yet, somehow he recollects what we assumed was Lily and Harry’s intimate moment.
A possible explanation:
He was actually in the closet the entire time. That’s not a homosexual metaphor, he’s just a wuss.
Apollo 18 – “Found” footage?
I haven’t actually seen Apollo 18 yet (like the rest of NZ) so I can’t back this point up with a heavy body of evidence. Let me say this though: how exactly is this a “found footage” film? That would imply that the tape was found. On the freakin’ moon.
A possible explanation:
The tape collided with a black obelisk, causing a quantum backlash that opened a paradoxical rift through time and space. The footage went through the rift and ended up on the lap of some Hollywood movie producer.
A better explanation:
The signal was wired to NASA. They had a recording the whole time.
X-men: First Class – Xavier imitates Jesus
Moments after Magneto uses Sebastian’s cranium as a coin slot, he accidentally deflects a bullet into the base of Xavier’s spine, paralyzing him for future movies to come. That is, with the exception of X-men: The Last Stand and X-men Origins: Wolverine. In the former, Prof. X visit’s a young Jean in the ‘70s (with Magneto for some reason). In the latter, he stands, waiting for the imprisoned mutants (around the same decade). This is more of a continuity error than a plot hole.
A possible explanation:
I‘ve got nothing. But those other two movies were shit anyway. Just pretend they never existed.
The Shawshank Redemption – The perfect poster
"We've known each other. For so looooooong..."
There’s a legendary moment in this film: When the warden of Shawshank removes the Raquel Welch poster from Andy’s cell to reveal his great escape, he makes the most valuable “WTF!?” face, as if he had just received a double decade Rick roll. It’s a moment the audience craves for two hours, with that scene being a banquet of satisfaction. It also successfully distracts from the head-scratching query of how the hell Dufresne managed to put the poster back up from inside the tunnel.
A possible explanation:
Dufresne’s escape hole was so good it managed to dig through that part of the plot.
Spiderman 2 – “Can I have a word with you?” *Throws a freakin’ car*
Doc Ock wants Spiderman. Doc asks Harry. Harry says “Ask Peter.” Doc Ock finds Peter. Doc Ock throws a freakin’ car at him! Now the Doc didn’t know Peter had superhuman car-dodging abilities. For all he knew, he could’ve (and would’ve) (and shouldn’t’ve) crushed Peter to death if he were just your friendly neighbourhood dweeb. Then what, Doc? You’d be standing outside a busted café looking like a muppet with the biggest derp face.
A possible explanation:
He never actually threw the car. There just happened to be a horrific car accident that we never saw. Otto just took advantage of the situation.
Saw – Underwater key
Although I still love it, the original Saw has a Swiss cheese plot. There are holes all over the place, but the one that really bugs me is the key that would’ve freed Adam. Located underwater in the bathtub, it sinks down the drain when Adam accidentally releases the plug after waking. Of course, we don’t realise it’s the key till Jigsaw tells him near the end. Zing. But what if Adam never released the plug? He would’ve freed himself, freed Lawrence and freed 80 minutes off the running time.
A possible explanation:
That key doesn’t actually unlock anything. Jigsaw’s just trolling it.
The Lion King – Scar somehow screws up the ecosystem
"I... Killed... the Ozone layer."
When Scar takes control of Pride Rock, it takes a couple of years until food stock depletes, plant life dwindles and the water runs dry. I can accept the possibility of meat resources fading, but how the hell did Scar mess up so badly that he caused an ecological collapse?
A possible explanation:
The partnership with the hyena meant the hyenas got to eat more frequently. Making up for the years in constant starvation, they feasted like Vegans in a corn field. This over-eating lead to flatulence and higher greenhouse gas emissions, creating Al Gore’s Oscar and a hole in the ozone layer.
